Resenting Miracles

“Would you know the miracle if you were in it
Or would you resent it
with a body full of spirit
And stardust in your blood?” —John Mark McMillan

We don't always perceive miracles as such. Instead, we often perceive them as hassles, impediments, and wrong turns. And so we resent the miracle that is right in front of us.

Simply put, a miracle is evidence of God's movement in the world. Some Biblical miracles tend to stand out over the rest, like the burning bush in Exodus:

Now Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro, the priest of Midian, and he led his flock to the west side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. And the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush. He looked, and behold, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed. And Moses said, “I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned.” When the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” Then he said, “Do not come near; take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” And he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God. —Exodus 3:1–6 (ESV)

And Jesus's first public miracle where He turned water to wine at the wedding in Cana:

On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him. —John 2:1–11 (ESV)

In many instances throughout the Bible, people resented the miracle they were in. The Israelites grumbled and complained while they were in the middle of a miraculous deliverance from slavery in Egypt:

But the people thirsted there for water, and the people grumbled against Moses and said, “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?” —Exodus 17:3 (ESV)

And in the New Testament, lots of people grumbled and complained and criticized and persecuted Jesus while he performed all kinds of miracles like:

• restoring sight to the blind
• making the lame walk again
• healing lepers
• raising the dead

Not only did those people totally overlook the miracles that were being wrought before their very eyes, they missed the greatest miracle of all: that the Messiah had come and was standing right in front of them. And besides overlooking THE miracle—the word made flesh—they resented Him so much that they wanted to kill him:

And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.” —Luke 15:2 (ESV)

Every day he was teaching at the temple. But the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the leaders among the people were trying to kill him. —Luke 19:47 (NIV)

There have been many situations in my life where I've resented my circumstances (even if I didn't recognize it as resentment). Times when everything seemed in upheaval. Times when my plans were thwarted at every turn. Times when things were not going my way. Here are some examples:

Failed attempt to join the Army

In college, I tried to join the Army as a way to pay off student loans. I enlisted, shipped out to Ft. Sill, OK and realized after arriving that I had given myself stress fractures in both of my shins from running with poor form and not enough rest.

I was put in a recovery unit with highly unpleasant drill sergeants for six months while I recovered, and ultimately made the painful decision to go home instead of starting basic because the Major in charge of medical care was actually breaking people. Like one soldier literally snapped her femur because he told her she was fine when she said she still had pain. I planned on reenlisting and pushed to get back in for about a year, but I ultimately realized that I had been given a medical code that blocked me from doing so. My ticket to paying off student loans vanished.

Wild detour to Denver

Another plan that seemed good to was to move to Denver for seminary only to realize just a month and a half after arriving that quitting my job, selling our house, and becoming a counselor was not a good career fit for me. My wife and I stayed for seven months while I finished a church internship, but that season was one of the most brutal experiences, and it took a long time for each of us and our marriage to heal.

Hundreds of ghosted job applications

During at least two points in my career, I've applied to hundreds of jobs with no return. I cranked out applications like it was my job because, well, it was my job. Those seasons were excruciating, and my sense of self had an inverse relationship to the number of applications ghosted or rejected.

One time, I ended up teaching 10th grade English. I discovered a few months in that pretty much all of my students were at a 4th grade level according to North Carolina state standards.

Another time, I ended up getting a job at Grace Church in North Carolina because the link for the Communications Director position was broken on the website, which seemed like a clear sign that they needed help in the web dev department. I went through the interviews and took the job because it was literally the only thing that opened up. I was just coming out of a season of being burned by the church and some questionable theology, and I honestly didn't even want to work at a church.

In all of these circumstances, I was confused and disoriented. At some points I was angry at myself and disappointed with God (even if I didn't recognize it as such).

As the Psalmist writes:

When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.

—Psalm 73:21-22

It took me years to realize that I was in the middle of deliverance while being in the middle of objectively difficult circumstances. I was being rescued from trajectories that seemed good to me, but in the end would have crushed my heart and stifled my creativity (the military). I was being delivered from the tyranny of my own plans (seminary). I was being shown that I had lots of undealt with insecurities and anger (teaching high school). I was being taught how to be kind and turn the other cheek even when I wanted to go full DEFCON 1 with my adversary (landlord + church issues). I was being taught to see that God loves me and has good plans for me (Grace Church).

In every circumstance God was moving to heal my soul and set me in a new direction that meant life and life abundantly.

I didn't know the miracle I was in.

In the moment, I certainly didn't understand what the Psalmist understood: that the difficulties of his circumstances did not indicate God's absence, but that He is present in the midst of those difficulties:

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand. —Psalm 73:23

With each new season comes new challenges and opportunities. It's easy to see and feel the difficulties: the new social dynamics, the learning curve for new skills, the disruption of desired rhythms, and a whole host of other issues. It can be much harder to see the ways that God is moving, healing, and restoring right in the middle of those difficulties.

Now that I've been on the backside of a few miracles in my life, I want to be attentive to the moment. If I trust, as the Psalmist did, that God holds my right hand, then I know that God is up to something good in every situation—regardless of what things looks like right now. Thanks be to God for the fact that at every moment there is a new miracle being started or brought to completion. With this perspective, there's no room for resentment, only thanksgiving.

May we all know the miracle when we're in it.